Child Abuse

One of the toughest issues to deal with in any sort of positive way is one I naturally would have shunned to address, (especially as a first issue in a brand new blog), but it just so happens to be something I've just been confronted with recently: the issue of child abuse, and how to deal with it when you're a member of a church or organization that has a list of accusations in this category to deal with.

As my wife brought to my attention, one can research on virtually any religious group in context with allegations of child abuse, and will most likely find something.

It's one of those ugly parts of our reality we have to deal with.

On the other hand, she also said that she did not grow up in any religious movement and church and yet went through such experiences.

They're out there, and not just in the churches and "cults."

So what would be a positive mindset to deal with the issue? Certainly we cannot just wipe the allegations off the table.

An attitude of forgiveness may be what would be recommended for the victims, but that's not so much the issue at stake.

How do you deal with it when you're a member of a group that is being accused of such practices?

Obviously, most people’s immediate advice would be, “Well, get out of there, as fast as you can!”

But we can’t always just “get out of” society as a whole, either, just because bad things happen in it, nor can we always distance ourselves completely from those who have wronged us in the past.

Often, the abused have been victims of their own relative or even parent, and while some victims may choose to sever all ties with them, others may choose to forgive.

Most former abusers know that they have done wrong and take on an apologetic attitude, and thus seek forgiveness. And, of course, it’s always up to the individual whether they are willing to grant that forgiveness, or not.

Another situation arises when a religious group is categorically accused of such practices.

Former victims find themselves banding together in a devout attempt to “destroy” that community, which, realistically, they only stand a chance if the group is small enough.

Certainly, no amount of activism on behalf of abuse victims would realistically stand a chance to close down the Catholic Church, for that matter…

Then there’s another factor: the sensationalism factor. We all know that journalism isn’t necessarily what it used to be, nor is it necessarily what it professes to be.

It’s easy to produce scandalous reproductions of accusations against a small, already persecuted, maligned and harassed religious minority, and there’s nothing the public will welcome more eagerly than a juicy scandal, and some wicked culprit to clobber to make them feel a little bit better about themselves, or vent their inner suppressed frustrations and anger against.

So, while child abuse is certainly one of the ugliest evils in the catalog of human sin, the question is, is it truly noble to try to make profit off of it under the pretext of exposing this evil, but in the process using exaggerations, half-truths, or even downright untruths?

Apparently, the Early Church (what is being referred to as the first Christians during the first three centuries of Christianity’s existence), also had a few culprits guilty of some less than recommendable conduct. We find Paul’s reference to a man who seemed to condone or even advocate sexual intercourse with the wife of one’s father, which in most cases could have even been their mother (see 1Corinthians 5:1-5).

Yet we can safely assume that some of the distortions and exaggerated accusations against Christians, when they were still a small religious minority and persecuted sect, such as allegations of cannibalistic activities, eating human flesh, drinking human blood and making human sacrifices, or putting fire to Rome, etc., had no substance to them.

From my own personal experiences, I know that 70 to 80 percent of what journalists choose to write about the community I am a member of since 30 years, simply does not happen to be true.

Incidents from the past (speaking of two to three decades) are being hauled into the present, and mistakes of someone made long ago and long corrected and regretted are presented as common, everyday practice.

Just as I chose to find a more positive tone to address such issues (as opposed to my former approach), because I had to realize that you cannot combat a negative with yet more negative, it would seem that modern journalism and the way the media generally treat such issues are not really conducive to finding a solution, either, but are rather pouring fuel on a fire by demonizing groups with exaggerations and that sensationalist spirit that seems to have taken the place of what we once used to refer to as “news.”

Instead of reducing the evil of child abuse, it creates more hatred, discrimination and the general false notion that if you stay clear of such groups, you’re safe from any harm and evil.

So, maybe I’m not the only one who needed a change in approaching issues.

The difference is, I can do something about my mistakes, but I can’t do very much about those of others.

While I do understand and sympathize with victims of child abuse and can relate to their anger toward any such group that may have either condoned or perhaps silently tolerated such behavior (although most likely never realistically anywhere close to the extent as portrayed by the media), I also see another side: that of victims of slander, discrimination and labeling that may be causing just as much harm.

It comes easy to our human nature to promote our own side as the only good and righteous one, and another party as the one evil that needs to be destroyed in order to save humanity.

It’s also not beyond our human nature to take advantage of our role as victims. Although none of that excuses any abuse or indecent treatment of one human being by another.

Job, the ancient suffering figure and "victim of God" in the Old Testament, said, “If I justify myself, my own mouth shall condemn me.” And there is no excuse nor justification for hurting another human being.

But one hurt is rarely ever cured by another, and it’s not really surprising to see that God evidently must have changed His program for the world from “An eye for an eye” to “Love your enemies.”

Perhaps the destruction of the party that wronged you is all you can see as the possible solution or option, but perhaps there is yet another, a better one, after all.

Maybe instead of seeking their destruction, someday we may be content with seeing merely their repentance, will finally hear their apologies and pleas for forgiveness, and thus be ready for forgiveness – a new way of life.